The Royal Tenenbaums [2001]
You are an old soul. Your family, while small, is in no small way dysfunctional, thank goodness, because the worst thing in the world, the worst, would be to have a boring family. Or an ugly one. You would never watch TV in the bathtub for fear of electrocution, but you would and have read many a book, regardless of the damaged pages that ensue, regardless of whether said book came from the library. But mostly you buy books; you like their smell, you smell them often. Your friends describe you as “loyal,” “good-natured,” and “quirky,” with “pretty hair.” One time at a ski lodge you tripped on a serving tray while playing Tetris and only just barely avoided stitches and had to get one of those butterfly bandages right on the side of your face, to hold the skin together while it healed. You went from “talented and gifted” to slightly less talented in the year between fourth and fifth grade. Sometimes you throw around the word “twee,” and when drunk, you speak with the intercontinental accent of ’60s-era movie stars. Astrological sign: Pisces.
The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou [2004]
You like bands that other people like, but you only like their really obscure stuff. When you describe a piece of art or something as “difficult,” you mean it as a compliment. You probably have a graduate degree in something specific or you just work at a used book store. You want to move to Portland but you just haven’t done it yet. Sometimes people call you an asshole and you respond, “All I’m saying is that it’s important to understand what the term ‘craft beer’ actually means.” If you’re a straight guy (and you probably are) you have a girlfriend named Cara who is a research assistant and wants to move to France, but not Paris. When you have a kid (not with Cara), it will have, for a first name, the last name of a writer you like. (Maybe Wallace, because you love Infinite Jest.) One summer when you were a kid you spent a month with your cousins at their island house in Maine and something big happened that you never told anyone else.
(via shellyfilleddonut)
